I woke up this morning contemplating the Blog post of the day! I of course love to do the post where I am able to add comic relief to someone’s day. Not sure which way this one will go! Nonetheless, I realize I jump head first into anything that I do. I am a bit of a risk taker…unconventional…and unapologetically aggressive in my approach. I get all of my ideas from none other than God. While I am no longer a Bible toting chick trying to make sense out of things with every scripture and make it fit my circumstances (no offense to those that do…I still enjoy a Proverb or two), I am still spiritually in tune with God ( a higher being) and know without a shadow of a doubt I am lead by Him because please believe I am very apprehensive and combative with God when he leads me to do something.
Thus here we are ” Journal…Jot…and Jive” literally an idea that popped in my head in September ( I think that was the month). I was at a low point of my life when this idea popped in my head. I was on the verge of losing so much…my esteem plummeted to an all time low. I was and still do at times suffering from body dysmorphia, I almost loss my car for the thousandth time ( Dear Lord I am still waiting on this way to get a car without a note…but I guess you ain’t ready to give me that solution yet…ugggghhh), My birthday was approaching and I was going through the yearly what ain’t work…why am I still….and when will shit get better. I was on job application 40+ with no success….STILL HAVEN’T BEEN able to get a 9-5! I guess God said, “A lil Mama stop trying to be in control…you ain’t going to work for anyone but YOU…I will continue to block every attempt” Y’all he has LITERALLY BLOCKED ERRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY JOB I have applied for or been assisted in getting an interview for…( Dear Lord can I at least work at Michaels part time…they have 30% off and it will go toward Journal Jot and Jive…PLEASE AMEN) meanwhile I am like “Aye BRUH yea all that stop trying to be in control is CUTE LAWD…But I am rouuunnndddddd these parts struggling…eating on depression like a bag of skittles…and steady trying to trust in YOU…this IMAGINARY force” OH! Yeah people I talk to God like this I don’t believe in changing who I am…because according to the Earthly realm “He knows our HEART”…and I am a bit raw and rough around the edges.
I remember deciding to take a hiatus from Facebook as I do once or twice a year. One day I was on one of my habitual meltdowns where my eyeballs were sweating, snot was running, my eyes were puffy, and I essentially started talking to God. I told him I was tired of being tired. I asked HIM to use me.. allow me to use some of the things I LOVE to connect to others, I asked him to guide me where I can enjoy what I love doing. I asked him to use some of the worst moments of my life and allow me to use it as a moving force for others. I asked him to fulfill me with purpose. It was at that moment I picked up some of my old journals and began reading through them. Y’allllllllllllllll by time I finished reading that aggressive, angry, bitter, and intense stuff, I was back on the prayer line with God. At that moment I was stopped in mid conversation with him and was guided to Pinterest. I begin looking up different ways of journaling. Thousands of ideas were thrown in my face. Instantly the words “Journal…Jot…and Jive” popped in my head. I instantly wrote it down and went to sleep. The next day I immediately created an email, and IG page, a journal, a blog page specifically for “Journal…Jot…and Jive”. I had ABSOLUTELY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO clue of how I would be using this. I just followed the heavy force that told me to do so!
I would begin posting pictures on my IG page. The randomness meant nothing to me. I was simply doing something I loved. Using pen and paper to express myself. I would soon begin getting inboxes from people saying how they just went and bought a new journal and loved how I had a new approach to journaling. I would have others say they have never used a journal and I inspired them to start. I begin getting a little nervous like things are starting to move a little fast. I was in my bed another night just doing a little adult coloring and the vision of “Journal Parties” popped in my head. I quickly said oh that is just dumb Adrian and shook it off for the day. As my day kept going on the idea grew heavier. The layout was crystal clear. I later was on the phone with one of my “brothers” I begin telling him how crazy of an idea I had. He listened and quickly shut me up and said “Aye you have two choices you can TRY and have no regrets or you can stay over there SCARED and someone will take your AMAZING IDEA” that was all the push I needed.
As I scrolled on FB I started paying attention to the pain I would see on women’s pages, the desire to tell FB ERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYTTTTTHHHHHHHHHIIIIIINNNGGGGG ( I was NOTORIOUS for this…GROWTH WON’T HE DO IT). I saw and see so much of the former me in so many women on FB. I started saying how amazing would it be if they just wrote this ISH IN A JOURNAL!!!! I constantly see the MEME beefs and subliminal messages and would think “Would half of these women even write this in their journal and like reading it or say it to the person that has them so butt hurt” and I think I am safe enough to say NO THEY WOULDN’T!!!! I could read the depression, sadness and fear in many of their eyes… I could see the fake happiness with no trace of memories written down…I kept saying “Journal…Jot…and Jive” Lord IT’S THE ANSWER!!!! We women need to go back to the basics! PICK UP A DAMN PEN AND WRITE IT OUT! We need to know that it is okay to express yourself OFF SCREEN…IN REAL LIFE…it is okay to be happy as well ( journals are for more than sad entries)…it is okay to support women…it is okay to be fragile and strong! It’s okay…
MY FIRST JOURNAL…JOT…and JIVE CREW (pictured above)
AND SO IT BEGAN…. BLESSED
I look forward to this Journal…Jot…and Jive journey with many of you!!! Get ready to WRITE-ON…. Meet me on the FB Journal Jot and Jive page and get ready to take years of weight off of your mind in a fun and creative way!!!!